This is a piece written by my friend’s husband. I’ll let it speak for itself! Below is a link to her website.
A Desperate Matter
The morning of the 20th Sept 2012 in Waikouaiti was idyllic. The sky was an azure blue, the lagoon was like a mirror and my porridge was of the exact correct viscosity. In other words, serenity had surrounded me to the extent that I was almost happy! That was until my wife Jo uttered the portentous words, “I am going to write a book.”
I hastily summoned my array of appropriate responses from my memory bank and having discarded “that’s interesting dear” (our relationship was still recovering from the last time I used that) settled on a neutral grunt. “Yes,” she said. “It will be a children’s book about Nicholas, our grandson.”
Now given that Jo had never written a book in her entire life I felt encouraged to enumerate the difficulties she faced in pursuing this goal. Needless to say, Jo ignored all my advice and embarked on her project.
Two years later, following an incredible number of draughts and the death of my serene existence, a manuscript was ready to dispatch to publishers. The first three publishers rejected the work outright, but one showed distinct interest – much to my surprise.
However, they eventually redeemed themselves by declining to publish the book. Well, that was a relief! Now serenity could return to my life and normal wifely service would resume (coffee in bed in the mornings etc.). You can imagine my dismay when a friend of mine offered to assist my wife to publish the book!! This would involve actual expenditure of money and plunged me into despair. Needless to say that friendship has been terminated.
Jo was offered various costs for various print runs and was seduced by how much cheaper 5000 books were than 500 and ignoring my pleas for restraint proceeded to order 5000 copies. The books duly arrived and the problem of storage arose. Desperate efforts to locate the rather large pallet with in friend’s garages or sheds came to nought and the books were deposited in our lounge over my strident objections.
Now we come to the reason for my pitiable state and my plea for your help to relieve my suffering. As you will know if you have visited our house, the TV has been artfully located to allow me to lie on the couch and watch Trackside and Sky Sport from a comfortable position.
Now of course, my view of the screen has been destroyed by a large pallet of books placed right in the middle of the lounge!!! Oh, woe is me!! Several entreaties to friends to share the storage of sufficient books to allow a view of the screen have fallen on deaf ears and I am currently having to perch on the back of the couch or stand to access my beloved Trackside.
The only solution I can conceive is to sell the bloody things!! Will you save my sanity?
In desperation from a tortured man,